Fixed!

At 10:00 a.m. I was wheeled back in to the EP lab. I wasn’t scared till I got in there. I had been listening to my iPod and praying before that. I was moved and moved again on the cold hard table, sticky pads were attached that would help direct the doctor as he mapped out my heart’s electrical system and defibrillator pads were placed on me just in case. One of the nurses, Sally, noticed that I was getting scared by all the chat that was going on. She explained that the lab had just been updated and I was being used as a training exercise for a couple for the nurses to learn how the new magnet worked and how exact you had to place the sticky tabs. Sally was very sweet to me. She asked about my tattoos and kept calling me sweetheart. I wish she had been able to stay right next to me the entire time.

I remember being really frightened at all the people in the room; I counted six without knowing exactly how many were in the observation room with all the monitors. I tried to smile but instead two tears ran down my face. Sally wiped them away and ran a reassuring hand over my forehead. She told me she had to drape my groin area and my neck. I turned my head to the left and it stayed there for the next 3 and a half hours. I was given drugs to calm me and make me not feel all the pain. I dozed off just as the doctor came in. I remember he said he’d take good care of me and I was out.

I awoke to feeling a lot of pressure on my groin and I felt him push the catheter in through the groin. It was too much, I passed out.

The next thing I remember is feeling my heart beat in my upper right stomach. I gasped and tears flowed. The nurse administering the meds rushed over and gave me a bit more. I felt it burn as it when into my arm. I could see the monitors at that point. I watched my pulse go from 119 to 189 and felt my stomach beat violently again. My eyes must have widened in fear because the nurse told me they were still testing and smiled at me.  It was then that she must have realized I could see the monitor because she turned it away from me.

I don’t know if ten minutes or thirty passed but I next felt a burning sensation in my chest. I moaned and the doctor told me he was ablating the area. HOLY HELL it was uncomfortable. I felt like he had a curling iron in there! The nurse gave me some more meds and I relaxed again.

I woke up again to my stomach surging. It is a feeling I hope to never have again. It’s like an alien has decided it no longer wants to reside inside you and is trying to break out by brutally pulsating your chest and stomach. The doctor didn’t talk to me this time. He was pressing so hard on my groin area that I thought he might break my pelvis. I think I passed out for a few minutes.

A small voice said “ouch, ouch” and I realized it was me. The nurse added more meds to my IV and the pain eased up but I’d already felt the 2^nd burn. This time it was hotter and lasted longer. What I didn't know at the time was that it was actually the third time they were ablating the bad section. This was the 2^nd time in the same place. Between the scorching feeling in my heart and the digging at my groin, I was ready to be done. I was on the verge of telling him that when he said, “GOT IT!”

I was relieved because I don’t think I could have handled another round of pulsating and burning. The dr. told me he fixed me and then left the room to go see my parents. Sally brushed the tears away and the team pulled the catheters out but left the sheaths in.

I was back in my recovery room when three nurses came in to pull the sheaths out. I had one in my neck, one in my left groin area and one in the right groin area. The sheaths allow the doctor to thread the catheters in to your heart via your veins, not my arteries, just like they do for when you have an IV. The sheaths are very, very, very uncomfortable. All my pain and relaxation meds had worn off by this time. I just wanted the pain of them to go away. I was grateful this group of nurses does the pulling as a team. I don’t think I could have waited the 20 minutes between each pulling. One by one they took them out and then held pressure on the points for 20 minutes.

I received a shot of pain meds after that. THANK GOODNESS! Not only was my neck extremely sore from being in one position for 3 hours, but my groin was aching. I cried silently until my mom walked in. Then I smiled and let all the fear go. I wanted her to see I was okay plus the crying didn’t stop the throbbing. Mom kissed my hand because she couldn’t reach my head, and dad kissed my forehead. I was allowed to order food about 30 minutes later. By the time it arrived my stomach was growling so loud that mom asked if I had a bear in there. I ate an omelet, toast and strawberry Jell-O cubes in a half sitting up position. You have to stay horizontal for the first hour after they pull the sheaths, then you get to sort of sit up. Then at the 3 1/2 hour mark you get to sit up ramrod straight. Twenty minutes after that you can get up to walk.

Dr. Kim came to see me just after I woke up from my hour nap. I had dozed off after eating but jolted myself awake when I let go of the remote. My pulse went up to 79. Dr. Kim was all smiles as he told me I was a perfect patient as I didn’t move a muscle the entire time. Apparently he didn’t know I cried. He told me I did have SVT, but after the third burn it was fixed. He said I topped out at 191 beats per minutes and that once they hit the perfect spot the 2^nd time I instantly dropped to 69 beats per minutes. He said “You’re cured!” and I grinned. Dad’s face showed pure relief. He told me I didn’t need any BP meds anymore either. I have to see him in a month to double check but he’s confident it’s fixed. He did add that from the way it reacted to the testing that my heart had been having this issue for at least two years.  

At 5:30 p.m. the nurse, Steph, came in and got me out of bed. She was a wonderful nurse- she had me giggling before (we were talking about those People of Wal-Mart emails) and after the procedure. She was gentle and kind. As she checked my groin wounds she warned me that Dr. Kim had been very messy, and by all that is holy she was right. She left me alone to use the restroom and I kid you not, if Steph hadn’t warned me I would have thought I had my period which is impossible since I don’t have a uterus! As good a doctor as he is, he left a lot of blood behind. I was shocked by the sight of it. However, I shrugged it off because my pulse was back to being low. And that’s all I wanted! After making two laps my BP was 117/83 and my pulse was 70. Hallelujah!

I was released at 5:45 pm. I felt so weird. I was used to feeling my heart beat so hard and suddenly I couldn’t feel it. I still am waiting for it to speed up today. But it hasn’t and I don’t think it will. I went to bed after NCIS LA but didn’t sleep like I thought I would. I couldn’t get comfortable because I knew that I could start bleeding in the groin area again if I moved wrong. I kept my cell phone right next to me throughout the night.

I was able to find a bit of relief after taking ibuprofen at 6 a.m. and lying on my right side. The muscles in my neck and groin hurt like hell. The best way I can think to describe the discomfort is to tell you I feel like I had a very long night of rough sex but without the orgasm. I am walking a bit bowlegged and sitting in one spot too long causes me to ache. And you don’t want to see the bruises. Oh my, they are dark and large already. They cover the top of my groin area, part of my inner thighs and a bit of the tops of my thighs. My neck has a nice bruise coming up too. I look like I have been choked on that side.

I will gladly take this discomfort. My heart feels normal and the sensation of it working so hard is easing up. My chest is tight but with each cough I get it to loosen up and relax. I had been taking shorter and shallower breaths for the past few months, I have to retrain my lungs to take nice deep breaths. Dr. Kim did tell my parents and me that it will take a few weeks for my heart to retrain itself. I can already tell a difference in it as the day passes. I started out this morning feeling it still working hard, now as I type it’s lessening though you can still count my pulse by watching my fleece jacket move.

The moment of pure relief and joy (with tons of tears) was after I was downstairs this morning and came back up less than three minutes later. I took my BP and it was normal with a pulse of 66 compared to 123 on Monday! I am blessed that it’s fixed and that I can start getting back to the woman I used to be a few years ago.  

I know all the prayers sent out on my behalf are why the procedure went well and how good I feel today. Tony made sure I knew he was there too. How? Here are the songs that came up on my iPod as I waited to be wheeled back:

1.  I Believe by Diamond Rio  (a song about angels… the song I turn to a lot)

    

     2.  Sing Me Back Home by Merle Haggard (music soothes me and this song is all about how a song can take you home)

     

     3.  Joseph’s Lullaby by MercyMe (my favorite lullaby… its Joseph singing to his   newborn son telling him to just be his son for this one night. I love the story of this one)

     

     4.  You’ll Be There by George Strait (one of my all-time favorite songs- knowing that your loved one will be there when you get to Heaven, what more can you ask)

     

     5.  Why Not Now by George Strait (I was thinking about love and what it means. Plus there’s a line about “no one knows about tomorrow” and it was Tony’s way of telling me to be in the moment)

     

     6.  You Can’t Make a Heart Love Someone by George Strait ( I was praying about lost love when this one started)

     

     7.   Burn by Jodee Messina (I think he was being sassy with this one!)

     

     8.   What a Wonderful World by Rod Stewart (I was praying for continued blessings for my family and friends)

     

     9.   Vincent by Josh Groban (a song that I really like and always calms me)

   

   10.   Amazing Grace by Lari White (it’s my favorite gospel song)

   

   11.   Love Song by Miranda Lambert (I was praying for a true love if I made it through the procedure when this one started)

   

   12.   The Only Promise that Remains by Reba and Justin Timberlake (every time I hear this song I think of Tony leading me to where I need to be)

   

   13.   Meant to Be by Tracy Lawrence (TL is my favorite country singer and this song is one of my top faves of his. Tony knows how much I take comfort in TL’s songs. And he was telling me I was where I was meant to be)

   

   14.   With Arms Wide Open by Creed (I know he was trying to tell me he’ll be there at the gates waiting for me when it’s time. I also think he was trying to remind me to go for the dream)

   

   15.   Forever and Ever, Amen by Randy Travis (even though he’s in heaven, the bond is forever)

   

   16.   I’d Come for You by Nickleback (16 happens to be my lucky number and Tony wanted me to know he was there and that he wouldn’t let me down. I didn’t get to hear the entire song I just saw that it was 16 and the title.)

     I needed no further proof he was there. I felt him and heard his messages loud and clear. And today starts the beginning of following the dream I’ve always had in me! 

     THANK YOU for all the prayers and support. I love and cherish each one of you!

     ~ The Composer