At 10:00 a.m.
I was wheeled back in to the EP lab. I wasn’t scared till I got in there. I had
been listening to my iPod and praying before that. I was moved and moved
again on the cold hard table, sticky pads were attached that would help direct the doctor as he mapped
out my heart’s electrical system and defibrillator pads were placed on me just in case. One of the nurses, Sally, noticed that I was
getting scared by all the chat that was going on. She explained that the lab
had just been updated and I was being used as a training exercise for a couple
for the nurses to learn how the new magnet worked and how exact you had to
place the sticky tabs. Sally was very sweet to me. She asked about my tattoos
and kept calling me sweetheart. I wish she had been able to stay right next to
me the entire time.
I remember
being really frightened at all the people in the room; I counted six without
knowing exactly how many were in the observation room with all the monitors. I
tried to smile but instead two tears ran down my face. Sally wiped them away
and ran a reassuring hand over my forehead. She told me she had to drape my
groin area and my neck. I turned my head to the left and it stayed there for
the next 3 and a half hours. I was given drugs to calm me and make me not
feel all the pain. I dozed off just as the doctor came in. I remember he said
he’d take good care of me and I was out.
I awoke to feeling a lot of pressure on my groin and I felt him push the catheter in through the groin. It was too much, I passed out.
The next
thing I remember is feeling my heart beat in my upper right stomach. I gasped
and tears flowed. The nurse administering the meds rushed over and gave me a
bit more. I felt it burn as it when into my arm. I could see the monitors at
that point. I watched my pulse go from 119 to 189 and felt my stomach beat
violently again. My eyes must have widened in fear because the nurse told me
they were still testing and smiled at me.
It was then that she must have realized I could see the monitor because
she turned it away from me.
I don’t know
if ten minutes or thirty passed but I next felt a burning sensation in my
chest. I moaned and the doctor told me he was ablating the area. HOLY HELL it
was uncomfortable. I felt like he had a curling iron in there! The nurse gave
me some more meds and I relaxed again.
I woke up again
to my stomach surging. It is a feeling I hope to never have again. It’s like an
alien has decided it no longer wants to reside inside you and is trying to
break out by brutally pulsating your chest and stomach. The doctor didn’t talk
to me this time. He was pressing so hard on my groin area that I thought he
might break my pelvis. I think I passed out for a few minutes.
A small
voice said “ouch, ouch” and I realized it was me. The nurse added more meds to
my IV and the pain eased up but I’d already felt the 2nd burn. This
time it was hotter and lasted longer. What I didn't know at the time was that
it was actually the third time they were ablating the bad section. This was the
2nd time in the same place. Between the scorching feeling in my
heart and the digging at my groin, I was ready to be done. I was on the verge
of telling him that when he said, “GOT IT!”
I was
relieved because I don’t think I could have handled another round of pulsating
and burning. The dr. told me he fixed me and then left the room to go see my
parents. Sally brushed the tears away and the team pulled the catheters out but
left the sheaths in.
I was back
in my recovery room when three nurses came in to pull the sheaths out. I had
one in my neck, one in my left groin area and one in the right groin area. The
sheaths allow the doctor to thread the catheters in to your heart via your veins,
not my arteries, just like they do for when you have an IV. The sheaths are
very, very, very uncomfortable. All my pain and relaxation meds had worn off by
this time. I just wanted the pain of them to go away. I was grateful this group
of nurses does the pulling as a team. I don’t think I could have waited the 20
minutes between each pulling. One by one they took them out and then held
pressure on the points for 20 minutes.
I received a
shot of pain meds after that. THANK GOODNESS! Not only was my neck extremely sore
from being in one position for 3 hours, but my groin was aching. I cried
silently until my mom walked in. Then I smiled and let all the fear go. I
wanted her to see I was okay plus the crying didn’t stop the throbbing. Mom
kissed my hand because she couldn’t reach my head, and dad kissed my forehead.
I was allowed to order food about 30 minutes later. By the time it arrived my
stomach was growling so loud that mom asked if I had a bear in there. I ate an
omelet, toast and strawberry Jell-O cubes in a half sitting up position. You
have to stay horizontal for the first hour after they pull the sheaths, then
you get to sort of sit up. Then at the 3 1/2 hour mark you get to sit up ramrod
straight. Twenty minutes after that you can get up to walk.
Dr. Kim came
to see me just after I woke up from my hour nap. I had dozed off after eating
but jolted myself awake when I let go of the remote. My pulse went up to 79.
Dr. Kim was all smiles as he told me I was a perfect patient as I didn’t move a
muscle the entire time. Apparently he didn’t know I cried. He told me I did
have SVT, but after the third burn it was fixed. He said I topped out at 191
beats per minutes and that once they hit the perfect spot the 2nd
time I instantly dropped to 69 beats per minutes. He said “You’re cured!” and I
grinned. Dad’s face showed pure relief. He told me I didn’t need any BP meds
anymore either. I have to see him in a month to double check but he’s confident
it’s fixed. He did add that from the way it reacted to the testing that my
heart had been having this issue for at least two years.
At 5:30 p.m. the
nurse, Steph, came in and got me out of bed. She was a wonderful nurse- she had
me giggling before (we were talking about those People of Wal-Mart emails) and
after the procedure. She was gentle and kind. As she checked my groin wounds
she warned me that Dr. Kim had been very messy, and by all that is holy she was
right. She left me alone to use the restroom and I kid you not, if Steph hadn’t
warned me I would have thought I had my period which is impossible since I don’t
have a uterus! As good a doctor as he is, he left a lot of blood behind. I was
shocked by the sight of it. However, I shrugged it off because my pulse was
back to being low. And that’s all I wanted! After making two laps my BP was 117/83
and my pulse was 70. Hallelujah!
I was
released at 5:45 pm. I felt so weird. I was used to feeling my heart beat so
hard and suddenly I couldn’t feel it. I still am waiting for it to speed up
today. But it hasn’t and I don’t think it will. I went to bed after NCIS LA but
didn’t sleep like I thought I would. I couldn’t get comfortable because I knew
that I could start bleeding in the groin area again if I moved wrong. I kept my
cell phone right next to me throughout the night.
I was able
to find a bit of relief after taking ibuprofen at 6 a.m. and lying on my right
side. The muscles in my neck and groin hurt like hell. The best way I can think to
describe the discomfort is to tell you I feel like I had a very long night of
rough sex but without the orgasm. I am walking a bit bowlegged and sitting in
one spot too long causes me to ache. And you don’t want to see the bruises. Oh
my, they are dark and large already. They cover the top of my groin area, part of my inner
thighs and a bit of the tops of my thighs. My neck has a nice bruise coming up
too. I look like I have been choked on that side.
I will
gladly take this discomfort. My heart feels normal and the sensation of it
working so hard is easing up. My chest is tight but with each cough I get it to
loosen up and relax. I had been taking shorter and shallower breaths for the
past few months, I have to retrain my lungs to take nice deep breaths. Dr. Kim
did tell my parents and me that it will take a few weeks for my heart to
retrain itself. I can already tell a difference in it as the day passes. I
started out this morning feeling it still working hard, now as I type it’s
lessening though you can still count my pulse by watching my fleece jacket
move.
The moment
of pure relief and joy (with tons of tears) was after I was downstairs this morning and came
back up less than three minutes later. I took my BP and it was normal with a pulse of 66 compared to 123 on Monday! I am blessed that
it’s fixed and that I can start getting back to the woman I used to be a few
years ago.
I know all
the prayers sent out on my behalf are why the procedure went well and how good
I feel today. Tony made sure I knew he was there too. How? Here are the songs
that came up on my iPod as I waited to be wheeled back:
1. I Believe by Diamond Rio (a song about angels… the song I turn to a
lot)
2. Sing Me Back Home by Merle Haggard
(music soothes me and this song is all about how a song can take you home)
3. Joseph’s Lullaby by MercyMe (my
favorite lullaby… its Joseph singing to his newborn son telling him to just be
his son for this one night. I love the story of this one)
4. You’ll Be There by George Strait (one
of my all-time favorite songs- knowing that your loved one will be there when
you get to Heaven, what more can you ask)
5. Why Not Now by George Strait (I was
thinking about love and what it means. Plus there’s a line about “no one knows
about tomorrow” and it was Tony’s way of telling me to be in the moment)
6. You Can’t Make a Heart Love Someone
by George Strait ( I was praying about lost love when this one started)
7. Burn by Jodee Messina (I think he was
being sassy with this one!)
8. What a Wonderful World by Rod Stewart
(I was praying for continued blessings for my family and friends)
9. Vincent by Josh Groban (a song that I
really like and always calms me)
10. Amazing Grace by Lari White (it’s my favorite
gospel song)
11. Love Song by Miranda Lambert (I was praying
for a true love if I made it through the procedure when this one started)
12. The Only Promise that Remains by Reba and
Justin Timberlake (every time I hear this song I think of Tony leading me to
where I need to be)
13. Meant to Be by Tracy Lawrence (TL is my
favorite country singer and this song is one of my top faves of his. Tony knows
how much I take comfort in TL’s songs. And he was telling me I was where I was
meant to be)
14. With Arms Wide Open by Creed (I know he was
trying to tell me he’ll be there at the gates waiting for me when it’s time. I
also think he was trying to remind me to go for the dream)
15. Forever
and Ever, Amen by Randy Travis (even though he’s in heaven, the bond is
forever)
16. I’d Come for You by Nickleback (16 happens to
be my lucky number and Tony wanted me to know he was there and that he wouldn’t
let me down. I didn’t get to hear the entire song I just saw that it was 16 and
the title.)
I needed no further proof he was there. I felt him and heard
his messages loud and clear. And today starts the beginning of following the
dream I’ve always had in me!
THANK YOU for all the prayers and support. I love and cherish each one of you!
~ The Composer
